Monday, October 22, 2007

Why Do I Have To Be The Adult?

Alternative Title – Farts Still Make Me Laugh

I think that all of us who work in the public school system are familiar with the phenomenon of post-lunch gas. Particularly from those friends who eat the free and reduced “lunch”. In my situation, that would be the whole class. Some days, it’s just downright toxic on the carpet.

(Just to clarify here, I’m not talking about the elusive but ever present Teacher Fart because that could be a whole post in and of itself…don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about either.)

Today must have been an unusually potent day in the cafeteria because we had an “incident” after lunch.

To catch you up to speed, we recently planted grass seed in three different soil samples to determine the type of soil that is best for plant growth. Pretty gnarly, I know, but my kids are rockstars if I do say so myself…and I do…often. On Friday, the grass was about half an inch high. Today it was three inches tall and darn impressive. Again, rockstars.

Most of the kids noticed the grass as soon as they walked in the room. (Seriously, have you ever noticed the radar on some kids…you move a certain poster half an inch to the left and they notice AND comment on it…profusely…to the point where sometimes adding new stuff to the classroom is just annoying because you know it will result in some high drama the next morning.) Remember, I said MOST.

I have one little friend who has not made the blog yet. He’s a pudgy guy with big eyes and the longest eye lashes you’ve ever seen. Really, he’s very cute except he is INSANELY SLOW TO FOLLOW SIMPLE DIRECTIONS. Honestly, he’s lucky he has those eyelashes…

Anyway, we’re had just gotten back from lunch when I address the grass samples. I take them down from the bookshelf and rocked Luscious Lashes’ world.

He got so excited about the grass that he exclaimed, “Wow!!” and evidently all the excitement and force he used to exclaim “wow” coincided with a raging gas attack because he practically blew two of my girls off the rug!!

It was like it ripped time and space in half. Afterwards, a silence filled the room. Children’s eyes darted madly around the room, hands covered mouths in desperate attempts to not laugh. After all, we have had the “Everybody Farts” talk multiple times.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t hold it together. Me. The grownup.

I laughed. And that was it. I’m glad Luscious Lashes has a good sense of humor.


Blair said...

i have to say the radar my kids have is amazing. i forgot mascara one morning and a student comments, "you look different today." i then realized they stare at me all day long. i suddenly became very aware of myself.

17 (really 15) more years said...

The sad part is, I'm still having the "Everybody farts" discussion with 8th graders. (wait- isn't that the name of an REM song?)

Christi.Overman said...

Oh yeah...seriously, I think not a day goes by when one of my kids farts. They laugh, I pretend not to hear and crack up later.

Christi.Overman said...

I actually mean "Not a day goes by when one of my kids DOESN'T fart." Oops!

Anonymous said...

I had a dysfunctional student a few years ago who when he needed to fart (I mean look out!!!) He would lift his leg or buttocks and let her rip. Nary a smile came out of him. Just the smell that would melt the hairs in your nostrils. I called his dad in to discuss it and he came in with over-alls on that were ripped from the fly to the waistband in the back. I was lucky he had on longjohns or I would have been passed out like Marie Osmond at the Dancing with the Stars last night.

Susan Nations said...

I just found your blog today and this story is so timely. One of my colleagues came to tell me that this happened to her today during the reading of "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow". She said the timing was incredible...but she was glad it when it was time to go to lunch so they could just get away.

Enjoyed your blog.

:-) Susan

Anonymous said...

I have asked myself the same question about having to be the adult. A few years ago I had a student pass gas that sounded like an exclamation point. It was exam time, and everyone was quietly working. I was the one who lost it. When I got myself back together, I lost it again. It just hit me as being so funny. The kids just looked at me like I was crazy and kept working. I still laugh when I think about it.

Mimi said...

I'm sitting here laughing out loud reading your comments...thanks everyone!

Zoemonster said...

GREAT blog:))

gladf i stumbled into it!

i got a lot of smiles.. perhaps the largest @ you going to see the fire fighters.. FIRE STATION



Joel said...

Haha, I have just plain stopped trying to act like the adult most of the time.

Teaching middle school band, I have plenty of opportunities to hear noises that SOUND like bodily functions happening in class. Since I live on the border, I usually make jokes about the student having too many bean and cheese tacos or whatever.

Needless to say, Nacho Libre was totally my kind of movie. How sad is that?

Anonymous said...


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