For this post, please picture me in a tutu with those fabulous lace up ballet shoes. I would never actually buy them, but sometimes, I think they sound amazing. We are not going to explore that one any further.
So my metaphorical tightrope is my relationship with Big Boy. I wrote an oh-so-controversial post about him awhile back and thought maybe just mentioning him (and that apparently scandalous post) would spice things up a bit.
Feeling spicy yet?
Well I'm feeling bad about myself. Definitely not spicy. And I rarely feel that bad about myself- in fact, I tend to air on the side of arrogant. (No! Say it ain't so!) (Hey, I may be arrogant, but at least I'm honest.) I just can't jive with Big Boy. At all.
Now typically, my fabulously arrogant self LOVES the naughty boys. They're just so...naughty. Like Curly - who doesn't love tons of curls and a saucy tude? And this year I have Mr. Suave (he has his hair gelled back, wears a chain and cologne...wait, did you hear me? I said he wears COLOGNE! I mean, does it get any cuter?) who has a very naughty side but also busts his little behind to do his best in class. Heart him.
But this naughty boy...dude. I just don't have any words. Ok, that is untrue. I have many words, but they are not very nice and therefore, must stay in my head.
Yes, naughty boys are frustrating, but I can always find something to love about them. Something to hold on to (like a freaking life raft) when all I want to do is scream. But with Big Boy, I am at a loss. A total lost. I am adrift with no life raft. I don't even have a vest or one of those little whistle thingys.
I have talked to him, I have put him on behavior charts, I have met with his parents, met with previous teachers, yelled, rationalized, sweet-talked, given him a job, excluded him from fun activities, tried to rely on his interests, praised him....my inventory of Teacher Tricks is exhausted. I am at my wits end.
I find this particularly disappointing/disheartening because I recently made a Resolution (which I usually stay far away from). I resolved to Be More Positive. For reals. Me. Positive. It's possible (jerks). I am prone to getting beat down by my own color-coded To Do Lists and Day-To-Day drama when in actuality, I just have too many good things going on and nothing to really be upset about. I know, it's a very mature stance. I was feeling extremely self-actualized until I came to work today.
Big Boy did not have his homework. (He didn't have it yesterday either.) He didn't have the note I sent home to his mother. He didn't have his independent reading books. He didn't do any writing during the 45 minutes he had to write. He told me that math was too hard for him. (Mind you, boyfriend is quite smart and was complaining about TRACING pattern blocks..dude, it's tracing...you haven't even gotten to the hard part yet!) And if we think about what he DID do today....he did push children on the stairs. He did call another child in my class "fatty." He did disrespect another teacher. He did disrupt everyone else's learning with inappropriate laughter. He did whine when I spoke to him about his behavior. He did ask for Chance #400. He did act like he was surprised when I asked him to leave the room to take a breather.
I'm not being very Positive in 2009, am I?
P.S. "Be More Positive" is not an original resolution for me...I've tried to climb that mountain before.