Things That Make You Go Hmmmm.....

Other possible titles...."Keg Stands for Seven Year Olds" or "Why Do Schools Employ So Many Socially Awkward People??"

Yesterday was Field Day! Another day that signals the end of the year and yet again demonstrates that we are all over it. (Have you picked up on that theme to my recent posts yet? The "I'm totally done this year" vibe? If not, please go back and re-read because I'm laying it on pretty thick.)

In years past, Field Day was quite literal, meaning we literally sat in a field all day. No games, no relay races, no nothing. You told your class to BYO towel and maybe some outdoor games or toys and then we would go to the nearby public park and sit. That's it. Perhaps a teacher or two would get up and throw the ocassional frisbee or organize a game of tag, but aside from that the scene would simply consist of approximately eight classes worth of children and their teachers lying in the park all day. Excuse me, I mean, lying in the FIELD all day...hence Field Day.

But this year was different. Someone motivated, I'm not sure exactly who, organized a, wait for it...are you sitting....schedule that made sense!!! Whoo! I guess we can automatically eliminate The Weave, Ms. Cocktails Before Noon and the Bacon Hunter from the list of possible suspects. It must have been another teacher...only another teacher could pull off the organizational thing of beauty that was this year's Field Day.

Every grade wore a different color and each class represented a different country. Clearly modeled after the Olympics, we had an opening ceremony where we talked about sportsmanship and cheered for the other teams. It was wonderful. The kids were pumped and we had a day full of relay races, hula hoops, obstacle courses and sprinklers ahead of us. I can't tell you how nice it was to relax and let my kids just be kids rather than hard core students...they are so much cuter that way!

My class began the day with parachute games, a beach ball relay race and potato sack races. Holla!! I have some of the funniest pictures I have ever taken!!! Kids with smiles so big you might think their faces were going to crack...And one thing that made me so proud (and so sad to let them go next year) was watching my friends cheer for each other, congratulate one another and work together as a team. And when we lost, which was a rare ocassion because we seriously ROCKED IT all day (thought the teacher who secretly gloated to all the other teachers but heard herself say outloud, "winning is not important, friends"), I saw so many of my kids turn to the winners and congratulate them or tell each other that they tried their best and had fun. I know, sounds a little too Hallmark-y and perfect, but these moments can be few and far between so I like to play them up and milk them for all their worth when they actually happen. So please allow me a little shmultz.

We took a much needed break for lunch where I literally ran up the stairs to the bathroom. It takes a lot to get me to run (or wear shorts, but I did that too), but today was no joke. I felt like my event for the day was the Holding My Pee Relay in which teachers acted like they didn't want to dash inside but when the bell rang for lunch we all took off, streaked (not naked, you dirty birds) to the bathroom, and rather than passing a baton, worked together to pass off our lone two stalls as quickly as possible. And to the teachers who participated yesterday, I say "Good job...great teamwork!!"

After lunch it was our turn to play in the sprinklers. Yes, I said sprinklers. We have a small play yard (in addition to the larger play yard) with fun equiptment for the kids to climb on and these ridiculously cool sprinklers that go very unused for most of the year. It's this huge area that is set down in the ground and away from the monkey bars with three huge fountains that spray up out of the ground. We so did not have THAT when I was little (sigh). Anywho, if you throw down some serious rules about wearing your bathing suit to school and keeping it on until you dry, it can be super fun. Even my Vagina Monologues girls were totally sweet and cool with all the exposed little bodies running around in swim suits.

I took a ton of pictures of everyone laughing, screaming, and running through the water. They were freaking adorable!! (Please prepare yourself for another shmultzy moment.) No one was pushing, no one got left out, everyone was having fun. And acting like a sweet little seven year olds on that fabulous day when the teacher let them play in the sprinklers. It was awesome. They started a game, where they dared each other to see how long they could stand over one of the fountains in the cold water. So cute! One kid would go in the middle over a fountain and stand there, screaming and dancing around, while the rest of the group counted how many seconds they could stand it. It was like keg stands for seven year olds. (Remember the good old days filled with keg stands...where your evening consisted of your friends holding you upside down as you sucked on a tap handle and everyone around you cheered and counted?? Ah, memories...)

Wait...what was I talking about?? Beer? That can't be right...oh yes, sprinklers and field day and my sweet little friends.

So I saunter over to the woman in charge of the sprinklers for the day. For my first few years at this school, I thought she was the gardener, because I only saw her in the fall and spring - never winter- and every time I saw her, she was working in the small patch of garden that we have outside the school. I just assumed we hired someone from the community to plant stuff. Then, three years into my teaching, I find out that she is a COUNSELOR who is supposed to work with CHILDREN and not plants. Go figure. So, from now on, we shall call her The Gardener.

Now keep in mind that I have spoken to this woman probably two other times in the SIX YEARS I have been working at this school. We smile in the hall and all that other crap, but we rarely actually speak. So I walk over to her ready to make some polite small talk as my friends frolic...I mean wouldn't it just be awkward to have two adults in a small space who just stood there and didn't even attempt to have some small talk?? You would think so...but that doesn't even compare to the awkwardness that I experienced as a result of my foolish attempt to be polite.

Me: "Aren't they cute? It must be so much fun to be out here today and see all the kids running through the sprinklers. It's nice to see them act like little kids, isn't it?"

The Gardener: "Um yes. Are those your children playing the sprinklers like that? Standing over the fountain for several seconds at a time??"

Me: "Yes" (proud that my students are behaivng so nicely and have created this game where everyone plays and cheers for each other...sigh...I love this class. And I swear to you, it is all FUN and INNOCENT until....)

The Gardener: "Well you need to get them to stop. We don't need children standing there having orgasms. The next thing you know they will all be shivering and shaking and oooooohhhhhhhhh"

Me: (WTF??!?!? I mean really WTF???!?!? Did she just say what I thought she said?!?? Is this really what our THIRD CONVERSATION EVER is going to be about? I wonder how she even got the balls to say this to me when I doubt that she even knows my name....what do I say...what do I say...ummmmmm)

Me: "Oh. I, uh, think it's, um, fine. I'm...I'm going to go, uh, stand over here now."

Yes, that is what I came up with folks. And I did, I did go stand over there, away from the Gardener and her weird sexual fantasies about sprinklers.