The Weave Strikes Again

Alternative Title: Why A Good Schedule Is Hard To Find

Ms. Weavalicious strikes again!! And boy, her weave must be tighter and more crooked than ever, because she really bent us over this time, if you know what I mean. As my girls in college used to say, "She really bent you over the futon on that one." (I know, don't ask...it was hysterical in college though...or maybe it was just all the beer...)

Despite working in an elementary school setting, many of the adults with whom I work have an incredibly difficult time with basic calendaring skills. For example, the Great Weaved One recently scheduled for my class to go to a concert three hours after they will be dismissed on our upcoming halfday. She is also famous for scheduling PDs on a Sunday and then getting pissed at US when someone asks for the corrected date. Maybe they've just braided the hair right into the Flexible and Polite part of her brain so that it's no longer functioning correctly. Damn...between that and the hair glue that's clogging up her Work Ethic, she's really screwed.

In short, placing things on a calendar and adhereing to a schedule both prove to be exceedingly difficult in my school. We have a system that was recently put in place to avoid accidents at recess. See, there were too many children on the playground at once and it interfered with the school aides' ability to read the Post. So, they split up the grades so only one is on the play ground, one is in the gym and one is watching a movie. Each teacher was given a very easy to read schedule so that she knew when to send her kids with their coats. Ah, but it's not that easy...STICKING to a schedule is evidently very different from CREATING the schedule.

Today my children were scheduled to go to the gym. So, no coats, right? Right. It's so easy, that the kids know what days to bring coats (...maybe the Weave should go on Are You Smarter Than A Second Grader??? Just a thought.)

WRONG!!!

I'm eating my lunch in a colleague's room (a rare few moments of peace and pleasant conversation with adults) when I hear a commotion in the hallway. I assume that it's just some older children on their way to the library.

You know what they say about people who assume right?

They say that they are dumb. I am dumb.

(Sidenote- after seven teachers' wallets, four cell phones and an iPod were stolen, we are RELIGIOUS about locking our doors. It is our only line of defense since the administration has decided to not deal with the thefts at all...they simply tell us to lock our doors. Way to pass the buck!!!)

I saunter down the hall after my 12 minute lunch to discover that my classroom door is wide open.

Children are tearing apart the closets, looking for their coats.

Alone.

In the classroom.

With the master key.

That Ms. Weavalicious GAVE TO THEM.

So they could get their coats.

Despite the fact that they were supposed to be in the gym.

Me: P...what are you guys doing up here? What's going on?
P: Ms. Weavalicious sent us to get our coats.
Me: But the door was locked.
P: Ms. W. gave me the key.
Me: But you shouldn't be up in the classroom without an adult. It's not safe.
P: I know. I told Ms. Weavalicious that you wouldn't like it if we were in the room without you.
Me: And...
P: She said you could deal.
Me: What?!? I thought you were goin gto the gym today...
P: Me too...Ms. Weavalicious says she can do whatever she wants. She says she doesn't care about the schedule.
Me: Hmmmm...
P: That's what she said...I'm sorry Mrs. Mimi.
Me: It's OK P...it's not your fault. You were just listening to an idiot...uh!...I mean, an adult. (whoops!)

Let us just list the problems with this scenario shall we:
1. Ms. Weavalicious is a raving idiot.
2. What about the schedule?? What schedule you ask? THE SCHEDULE YOU MADE. That one.
3. Since when is sending up 7 year old children to an empty floor with a master key a good idea...or is actually climbing the stairs yourself and actually supervising children not in your job description. Maybe it's not. Maybe it really DOES state that you are supposed to sit on your ample ass, read the Post, pass the buck and aid children in stealing from adults. This could be just a huge misunderstanding on my part...
4. Ms. Weavalicious is a raving idiot. (I know I already said that, I just thought that this sentiment bookended the list nicely).