Monday, September 17, 2007

And Now Let's Talk About "Privates"

Thanks to all of you who asked about my long was lovely and restorative. Many cocktails with umbrellas in them were embibed and I'm am fabulously tan. All in all...perfect. But now, back to reality.

Isn’t it inevitable that once the school year starts that words such as “privates” and “bottom” will sneak back into our vernacular every so subtly? Well friends, that time is here and boy, it’s back with a vengeance!!

Last week, before our break and my FABULOUS trip to somewhere tropical (I’m am so tan!!) one of my little male friends…we’ll just call him Grabby Hands…patted another little girl’s bottom during a read aloud. We’ll call her The Victim. Of course all of this happens while I’m fully engaged in a rousing rendition of Mo Willems’ Knuffle Bunny (brilliant!) and goes complete unnoticed. The Victim says nothing and Grabby Hands goes on with his day…clearly the guilt was easy to overcome.

So. The Victim goes home and tells her parents. The Victim’s parents come in a demand a meeting. A bit much in my opinion but I’m just going to go with it…I don’t mess around with this whole “privates” business.

Let’s fast forward to the day of the big Pow Wow.

Scene: Ms. Weavalicious’ office.
Characters: myself, Ms. Weavalicious , The Victim and her parents, Grabby Hands and his parents.

Me: So what have you learned Grabby Hands?

Grabby Hands: I shouldn’t touch anyone during school…especially in their “privates.” (Insert angelic look and some eyelash fluttering here)

Me: The Victim? What did you learn?

The Victim: I learned that I have to tell the teacher when something makes me feel uncomfortable. It’s OK to ask for a private conversation, especially when it’s about my “privates.” (Imagine her young feminist self blossoming during this brief speech…girl power, honey!!)

Me: Super.

Ms. Weavalicious: I’m so proud of you both. I’m glad you learned your lesson Grabby Hands. Remember, you have a lifetime of touching other girls’ privates…you don’t need to start now.

WHOAH!!!! Let me say that again…a little big louder now…

And I quote –


WTF???!? Do you even see the parents sitting in your office?? They are not wearing camouflage. What are you thinking??

Glad you get double my pay. You sure earned that extra cash today.


Ms. Preppy said...

ohmygah. totally speechless.

17 (really 15) more years said...

Holy crap - and to think I hesistate to get my administration degree - you really can't make this stuff up. Loved the way you wrote this post.

"How fabulously tan are you?", she asked, looking at how pasty white her skin is turning.

Jen Barney said...

SHUT UP!!! No she didn't... I don't understand why she has a job?

Future Spanish Teacher said...


I'm sorry that she crawled out from under her weave to invest in GrabbyMcGrabGrab's mind.

I'm sure you'll be hearing about it from all of his friends.

Parents responses?

Mimi said...

The parents just kept nodding their heads. I feel like there was SO MUCH talking on their part that maybe they missed it...let's keep our fingers crossed on that one!

Hey Teach! said...

I read your post and kept waiting for the punch line...I can't believe she actually said have to wonder how some people keep their jobs

sas said...

OMG! Are you totally serious? I could NEVER see my principal saying that!!! What did the parents do?

Anonymous said...

She said this to second graders? And nobody seemed taken aback? What the---?!

Joel said...

Something in me says that I should be surprised that an administrator said something like that. I just don't find the surprise.

Now these kinds of things would definitely be surprising to hear coming from my current administrators for sure. My principal is very effective at reaching the children and staff. But the HS principal in my last district....

Bela Lugosi said...

Did she really?... That's so wrong...

Who's Peeking?